ATTENTION!

The WHO (World Health Organization) has issued an elevated warning for the common disease known as Exam Stress, originating in the southern cognitive region of the organism known as Martin.

This disease is common in young, healthy individuals who attend university or similar types of learning institutions.

Due to the approaching spring exams, the level has been elevated from PHASE 1 to PHASE 2.

Everyone who might possibly come in physical, verbal or mental contact with this person is being advised to stay vigilant. An organism affected with Exam Stress (known in the medical proffesion as HÍ09) can be contagious, although, even if one becomes contaminated, he will not suffer as severily as the one who is to take exams. Mild symptoms include an over-heating in the head; extreme irritation; obsession with the university subject to the point of a distorted sense of reality and hallucinations; digestive complications. In extreme cases, the organism might exhibit psychotic tendencies, have nightmares and even border scizhophrenia. Other symptoms have been known to appear, and they vary with individuals.

The 5 phases are defined as follows:

PHASE 0 — A clear mind. No repetitive thoughts, let alone worries, about exams. This phase extends from the beginning of school year until fairly shortly before the exams, usually about a month before. In unusually studious organisms, the warning level is sometimes raised sooner.

PHASE 1 — A thought crosses the mind of the organism about exams at least once per day. The stress has not yet reached the level of affecting the body in any way. It is safely isolated in the recesses of the mind. No visible signs.

PHASE 2 — The organism starts talking about the coming exams, and starts stating repetitively that he has to start studying soon. Ordinarily, this period extends over a long time, before the organism actually starts to do anything about it. The disease starts to spread in the area of the brain, although not affecting the system to any pathological degree. ATTENTION: At this level the disease reaches a serious level. Although still contained within the cognitive parts of the organism, and not taking over any other systems, the repeating thoughts of the exams start to multiply exponentially, usually reaching other parts of the organism fast.

PHASE 3 — The disease is no longer contained within the mind-system. It has breached and started spreading to respiratory systems, the skin, the digestion, and other parts. It starts impairing the coordination of the limbs and affecting to ability to think clearly. The body transpires at random times, when the thoughts of the exams rush up. The daily pattern of habits starts breaking down. The organism can display a frantic look to the eyes, and look scary. NOTE: This is usually not a cause for concern, unless the organism has other mental problems. This disease very rarely causes the organism to act violently. The organism becomes unbearable to be around, unless for others who are possessed by the same disease. When these organisms get together, a senseless discussion of how horrible and impossible the exams are, and how soon life will end.

PHASE 4 — The disease has not totally taken over the organism. Nothing matters for the organism anymore, but the exams. Life has become quite unbearable. If the organism lives in close communion with other organisms who do not attend a similar learning institution and prepare for exams, these other organisms have usually moved out at this point. Alternatively, the diseased organism has moved out himself. He usually spends most of the hours of the day revising (or at least staring at books, it is debated how much of the time is actually spent revising) in libraries or university buildings. The digestive process has usually completely broken down. The excrements are at this point quite liquid. There is no wonder, as the organism consumes excessive amounts of coffee, black cola drinks, sweets and unhealthy “fast foods”. Breathing is shallow. The body emits foul odours. If the organism takes the time to sleep at all, it is shallow, unsatisfying sleep, often with bad dreams. Desperation, fear, anxiety and panic are consistently felt by the organism. NOTE: This state is extremely serious, and something would in normal circumstances be done to rescue an individual living in such a mentally distressed condition. However, it usually doesn’t last long. It lasts most often only the last hours before the exam, occasionally extending up to one or two days).

PHASE 5 — Complete nervous break-down. The organism has over-studied, and must enter a mental institution. This can happen when the organism has suffered in PHASE 4 for an extended period of time, which can happen if the pathological, repetitive thought pattern takes over, making the organism feel only fear and panic, causing him to lose faith in life and see that there is more to it then the exams. He completely identified with the supposed success of these exams, and feels like a complete failure because he didn’t succeed. NOTE: It is very rare, that any organism reaches this level of the disease.

WHO tries to prevent the unnecessary spreading of the disease and welcomes reports of suspected cases of Exam Stress in other organisms.

Check in soon for updates on the disease.